I haven't finished my complete story yet, but it is time to go. Most of it is done though, and I will finish when I get back with the finale.
Thanks for reading, Wish me luck:)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 7
I heard a female voice on the other end of the line and I knew it was her.....But I just had to say something stupid anyway. So there I am, "Uuuhhh Hi, I am adopted and I think you are my Birth-Mother." She knows that it is me and she says "Hi,I knew you would be calling." After talking some she told me that she knew I would find her somehow, must be the family genetics. Julie liked my name, she had named me Tina in the Hospital and now she hated that name. She told me it was the "cool" name back in 1973, so she chose it.
I asked her why she turned down the request for identity forms I filled out. There was a very long story to that answer. But the main ideas were that she did it because of her Dad. Back when everything happened the whole family was lied to, nobody knew about the 2 babies. Everyone thought the girls were sent to a Private Girls School. To bring up all of that now with the family would be hard. She had wanted to say yes to me, but needed some time to talk it over with my Grandparents. Come to find out that her Dad was a very influential person, and he thought I was just after the families money. Which I obviously had no way to know about. That upset me, that he would think I was just some money hungry little orphan.
But it got worse. He heard that I had called Julie, and he got my address in Iowa from her. Before I could even make arrangements to go and meet my Birth-Mother and siblings, he was on my doorstep. We lived in Clear Lake, Iowa, and they were living in Helena, Montana. Quite a long drive. He put the wife in the car, didn't tell her where they were going, and drove straight to my house. Julie called and told me they were coming, and I got very excited. She told me which day, and I figured they must just be so excited to meet their Granddaughter. I cleaned the house like crazy, and during Mikayla's nap time a baked up a huge dinner. I even had the spare bedroom all made up fresh for them to stay over night.
They pulled up to the house shortly after Jerry got home from work. I ran out the door and down the sidewalk to meet them. And suddenly I could see that there was something VERY wrong. "Grandma" would not get out of the car. "Grandpa" had to come around on her side and get her out. No hugs and kisses going on here. He had told her that they were going on a trip to check on one of his stores, and before she knew it they were at my doorstep. They came inside and sat down. She never said a word. I was still all smiles, but that was starting to fade. He looks me straight in the eye all business like and says,"So tell me. What are your intentions with this." He was very blunt and very unfeeling. He wanted to know why I did my search for his daughter, and if I was just some bastard after the families money. I was heartbroken. I cried, telling him of my life of wondering, searching, and loving somebody I had never met. I told him I was nothing like the person whom he was making me out to be. There was no way I could have known he had money, and even if I did know that, that was not the intent of my search. I wanted to have nothing to do with his money, I only wanted to meet my Mom, and I told him so.
After that he stood up and they left, just like that. Grandma had still not said a thing. Poor woman. Dinner was still warming in the oven, and my shocked Husband was still standing there in the dining room saying,"But, won't you stay and eat? Laura has made all of this food for you." I will never forget it.
And then they drove off.
I asked her why she turned down the request for identity forms I filled out. There was a very long story to that answer. But the main ideas were that she did it because of her Dad. Back when everything happened the whole family was lied to, nobody knew about the 2 babies. Everyone thought the girls were sent to a Private Girls School. To bring up all of that now with the family would be hard. She had wanted to say yes to me, but needed some time to talk it over with my Grandparents. Come to find out that her Dad was a very influential person, and he thought I was just after the families money. Which I obviously had no way to know about. That upset me, that he would think I was just some money hungry little orphan.
But it got worse. He heard that I had called Julie, and he got my address in Iowa from her. Before I could even make arrangements to go and meet my Birth-Mother and siblings, he was on my doorstep. We lived in Clear Lake, Iowa, and they were living in Helena, Montana. Quite a long drive. He put the wife in the car, didn't tell her where they were going, and drove straight to my house. Julie called and told me they were coming, and I got very excited. She told me which day, and I figured they must just be so excited to meet their Granddaughter. I cleaned the house like crazy, and during Mikayla's nap time a baked up a huge dinner. I even had the spare bedroom all made up fresh for them to stay over night.
They pulled up to the house shortly after Jerry got home from work. I ran out the door and down the sidewalk to meet them. And suddenly I could see that there was something VERY wrong. "Grandma" would not get out of the car. "Grandpa" had to come around on her side and get her out. No hugs and kisses going on here. He had told her that they were going on a trip to check on one of his stores, and before she knew it they were at my doorstep. They came inside and sat down. She never said a word. I was still all smiles, but that was starting to fade. He looks me straight in the eye all business like and says,"So tell me. What are your intentions with this." He was very blunt and very unfeeling. He wanted to know why I did my search for his daughter, and if I was just some bastard after the families money. I was heartbroken. I cried, telling him of my life of wondering, searching, and loving somebody I had never met. I told him I was nothing like the person whom he was making me out to be. There was no way I could have known he had money, and even if I did know that, that was not the intent of my search. I wanted to have nothing to do with his money, I only wanted to meet my Mom, and I told him so.
After that he stood up and they left, just like that. Grandma had still not said a thing. Poor woman. Dinner was still warming in the oven, and my shocked Husband was still standing there in the dining room saying,"But, won't you stay and eat? Laura has made all of this food for you." I will never forget it.
And then they drove off.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 6
After I found my Birth-Mothers name, I was kind of stuck. I wasn't sure where to search next. I called back to the Casper, Wyoming Chamber of Commerce. Believe it or not, the woman on the other end of the line remembered the Moldenhauer's, from way back in 1974. She told me that they had a ranch there and that they raised cattle. But they had moved out of town in 1975, and she could not remember the parents first names. She suggested I try searching the old newspapers in LaCrosse, for around the time I was born.
I found in the Juvenile Court Records that there was a Termination of Parental Rights on December 12, 1973 by an underage father. My Birth-Father had signed a Waiver Form. It said, Disclaimer and Waiver of rights by putative father and consent to adoption. But because he was only 16, they could not publish his name. Dead End.
Next I checked the Social Security Office. I did a search for Julie Moldenhauer. And there I found my answer. Julie Moldenhauer Born 10/8/58 in Texas, to Neil and Donna Moldenhauer. I had their name! Now what.
On a whim, I called telephone information. I asked if she had any numbers for a man named Neil Moldenhauer, she told me she had hundreds, but could only give me three at a time. I thought this would take forever, but decided to give it a go. The first number was for Missouri, and turned out to be a no. The second number was for South Dakota, for some P.O box, that one was a no also. The third number sounded like a possibility to me. It was a regular house address, in Helena, Montana, not to far from Wyoming! I was getting excited. I thought if they were still ranchers this might be a place where they would live. I called the number.
"Is this the home of Neil Moldenhauer?" The woman who answered the phone said yes. She said her name was Donna. Oh. My. Goodness. I was talking to my Grandma, and she didn't know it. I didn't want them to know about me until I had talked to Julie first, so I told a lie. I know that is wrong. But I didn't want her to hang up on me, and have another dead end. I told her I was a friend of Julie's from high school that was trying to get back in contact with her, might they have her current number? She believed me and gave it to me. I had my Birth-Mothers phone number! But still didn't feel good about lying. (I admitted it later to my Birth-Grandma)
I called the number but nobody was answering. I hoped it was the right number. I did a search in the area for any other Moldenhauers and found that Cherrie, Julie's sister was listed. I decided to see if she was home and wanted to talk with her about how Julie would feel if I called her.
Cherrie answered the phone right away. She was excited to hear it was me. She told me that Julie and her family went downtown for pizza, and they would be home soon. She lived on a ranch with 230 cattle, lots of horses, sheep, dogs and cats. She asked if I knew she was in the maternity home at the same time as Julie, I told her I did know that. She said she had always wanted to do a search for her son, and she was glad that I had found Julie. After a good, long, talk she told me to try Julie's number again. So I did,
And she answered.
I found in the Juvenile Court Records that there was a Termination of Parental Rights on December 12, 1973 by an underage father. My Birth-Father had signed a Waiver Form. It said, Disclaimer and Waiver of rights by putative father and consent to adoption. But because he was only 16, they could not publish his name. Dead End.
Next I checked the Social Security Office. I did a search for Julie Moldenhauer. And there I found my answer. Julie Moldenhauer Born 10/8/58 in Texas, to Neil and Donna Moldenhauer. I had their name! Now what.
On a whim, I called telephone information. I asked if she had any numbers for a man named Neil Moldenhauer, she told me she had hundreds, but could only give me three at a time. I thought this would take forever, but decided to give it a go. The first number was for Missouri, and turned out to be a no. The second number was for South Dakota, for some P.O box, that one was a no also. The third number sounded like a possibility to me. It was a regular house address, in Helena, Montana, not to far from Wyoming! I was getting excited. I thought if they were still ranchers this might be a place where they would live. I called the number.
"Is this the home of Neil Moldenhauer?" The woman who answered the phone said yes. She said her name was Donna. Oh. My. Goodness. I was talking to my Grandma, and she didn't know it. I didn't want them to know about me until I had talked to Julie first, so I told a lie. I know that is wrong. But I didn't want her to hang up on me, and have another dead end. I told her I was a friend of Julie's from high school that was trying to get back in contact with her, might they have her current number? She believed me and gave it to me. I had my Birth-Mothers phone number! But still didn't feel good about lying. (I admitted it later to my Birth-Grandma)
I called the number but nobody was answering. I hoped it was the right number. I did a search in the area for any other Moldenhauers and found that Cherrie, Julie's sister was listed. I decided to see if she was home and wanted to talk with her about how Julie would feel if I called her.
Cherrie answered the phone right away. She was excited to hear it was me. She told me that Julie and her family went downtown for pizza, and they would be home soon. She lived on a ranch with 230 cattle, lots of horses, sheep, dogs and cats. She asked if I knew she was in the maternity home at the same time as Julie, I told her I did know that. She said she had always wanted to do a search for her son, and she was glad that I had found Julie. After a good, long, talk she told me to try Julie's number again. So I did,
And she answered.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 5
If you read my last post you learned in the end that my birth-mother refused to allow any identifying information to be given to me in my file. This was a shocking blow to me, and made me have a lot more questions. And I was angry. If you know me well, you might know that I don't like being told what to do, and I don't like it when people tell me no. A little bit of a rebellious streak, I guess.
So, I called the Adoption Agency back and asked to speak with Cherrie, the woman who sent me my file, my caseworker. I explained how distraught I was, and she was very sympathetic. But then she told me a secret. She could lose her job over this, but she is retired now, so I will share. She quietly told me to look over my file closer, every page, read every page. There were quite a few, and I was confused, but I told her I would and hung up.
And then I started to see her gift to me. On one page she had blacked out the last name one letter at a time. So I could count how many letters were in the last name. On another page she had "accidentally" left the M for the first letter of the last name and crossed out the last 10 letters with a thick black line. So far I had learned that I had a last name that started with M and had eleven letters total. Further back in the file I found that she had crossed out the last name completely but accidentally left Julie's name in front of it, not crossed out. I had my mothers name! Almost her full name! On another page I found that they moved her to Wyoming after the birth. But the city was crossed out by single letters, so I could see that it had six letters. The word Casper just popped into my head, I had never been there, but I had heard of it. I was really on a roll now, and felt this was enough information for me to find her.
I was so excited and called the Social Worker back. She told me to never tell anybody about how she helped me or she would lose her job. She told me that she had never done this before, but while she was reviewing my file she had an overwhelming urge to help me. And we had never met. Later that day I sent her the hugest pink flower bouquet I could afford. Full of pink roses, tulips, day lily's, and anything else pink the florist could find. I sent it to my social worker anonymously so she wouldn't get in trouble. I received a phone call that night, it was her, calling to say thank-you. She told me that when she saw the delivery man bringing in the flowers through the office door, she knew they were for her, and she knew instantly who they were from.
On a whim, I called the Casper, Wyoming Chamber of Commerce. I asked how many high schools there were in Casper. She told me one. One. Natrona County High School. I called the school and talked to the secretary. Her name was Ann, she was excited to help! I asked if they had saved the yearbooks from 1974-1975. And sure enough she said yes, and went to get them. I asked her to help me find any last names during those years that started with a M and had eleven letters total. She skimmed through the pages for awhile, and then told me yes. Yes, there was only one. And it was Moldenhauer. I had found my last name! I asked who the last names belonged to and she told me Cherrie, Scott, Julie, and Todd. I had it. My mom's name was Julie Moldenhauer. I was ecstatic. It was also fun to find out that Julie was a Sophomore the year she started there, she had two brothers, one was in 8th grade and one was a Junior at the same high school.
Now the real search began.........
So, I called the Adoption Agency back and asked to speak with Cherrie, the woman who sent me my file, my caseworker. I explained how distraught I was, and she was very sympathetic. But then she told me a secret. She could lose her job over this, but she is retired now, so I will share. She quietly told me to look over my file closer, every page, read every page. There were quite a few, and I was confused, but I told her I would and hung up.
And then I started to see her gift to me. On one page she had blacked out the last name one letter at a time. So I could count how many letters were in the last name. On another page she had "accidentally" left the M for the first letter of the last name and crossed out the last 10 letters with a thick black line. So far I had learned that I had a last name that started with M and had eleven letters total. Further back in the file I found that she had crossed out the last name completely but accidentally left Julie's name in front of it, not crossed out. I had my mothers name! Almost her full name! On another page I found that they moved her to Wyoming after the birth. But the city was crossed out by single letters, so I could see that it had six letters. The word Casper just popped into my head, I had never been there, but I had heard of it. I was really on a roll now, and felt this was enough information for me to find her.
I was so excited and called the Social Worker back. She told me to never tell anybody about how she helped me or she would lose her job. She told me that she had never done this before, but while she was reviewing my file she had an overwhelming urge to help me. And we had never met. Later that day I sent her the hugest pink flower bouquet I could afford. Full of pink roses, tulips, day lily's, and anything else pink the florist could find. I sent it to my social worker anonymously so she wouldn't get in trouble. I received a phone call that night, it was her, calling to say thank-you. She told me that when she saw the delivery man bringing in the flowers through the office door, she knew they were for her, and she knew instantly who they were from.
On a whim, I called the Casper, Wyoming Chamber of Commerce. I asked how many high schools there were in Casper. She told me one. One. Natrona County High School. I called the school and talked to the secretary. Her name was Ann, she was excited to help! I asked if they had saved the yearbooks from 1974-1975. And sure enough she said yes, and went to get them. I asked her to help me find any last names during those years that started with a M and had eleven letters total. She skimmed through the pages for awhile, and then told me yes. Yes, there was only one. And it was Moldenhauer. I had found my last name! I asked who the last names belonged to and she told me Cherrie, Scott, Julie, and Todd. I had it. My mom's name was Julie Moldenhauer. I was ecstatic. It was also fun to find out that Julie was a Sophomore the year she started there, she had two brothers, one was in 8th grade and one was a Junior at the same high school.
Now the real search began.........
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 4
After Julie gave birth to me she was moved out to Casper, Wyoming to be with her family. She went back to living the normal life of a teenager and went back to High School. Two months later her 16 year old sister had her baby and also moved back out to be with the family, in a new city. In that day, none of this was acceptable, so none of the family was told.
I lived the next 18 years at home with my parents, and two adopted twin brothers. My Dad was one of the Ministers at our small Bible church, and my mom played the piano every Sunday. We were just a typical Wisconsin family, yet sometimes I still wondered where I came from. Especially when my parents would punish me or make me really mad. My child-like brain would over-react and tell myself that I bet my real parents would never treat me that way. Of course, that is not how I think now. I would get all emotional and play Orphan Annie tapes on my tape player in my room, usually singing the song "Maybe". And I can't forget to add the song, "Somewhere out there" that was another one of my dramatic song choices when I was upset. All of this was of course because I did not know the story yet. My small brain had made up all kinds of stories. Maybe somebody took me from them? Maybe they had too many kids? Maybe they can't find me?
I started dating my husband when I was fifteen. He followed me when I went off to college at Bethel and got an apartment there. After we married and moved to Iowa, I decided it was time to do the search for my birth parents. I was still very curious, and also was thinking of having children and wanted to know my birth families health history. I had gone my whole life with Doctors asking me all of these health questions that I just did not know the answers too. But of course, that was not the main reason, I was just plain sick of wondering and needed answers.
I called Lutheran Social Services and requested the packet with all of the adoption search forms. I filled them all out, paid the money due, and waited. Quite a few months later I received a packet in the mail. I was so excited! I started to look through it, and was finding out that all of the identifying information had been blacked out with a permanent black marker. All that was visible was some very limited health history. What was going on? I called the lady who signed off on my packet, her name was Cherrie, I will never forget that. I asked her why everything was blacked out on my adoption records. And she told me.......
Because, your Mom turned down the request, and without that you can not even do a search for your Dad.
Case closed.
I lived the next 18 years at home with my parents, and two adopted twin brothers. My Dad was one of the Ministers at our small Bible church, and my mom played the piano every Sunday. We were just a typical Wisconsin family, yet sometimes I still wondered where I came from. Especially when my parents would punish me or make me really mad. My child-like brain would over-react and tell myself that I bet my real parents would never treat me that way. Of course, that is not how I think now. I would get all emotional and play Orphan Annie tapes on my tape player in my room, usually singing the song "Maybe". And I can't forget to add the song, "Somewhere out there" that was another one of my dramatic song choices when I was upset. All of this was of course because I did not know the story yet. My small brain had made up all kinds of stories. Maybe somebody took me from them? Maybe they had too many kids? Maybe they can't find me?
I started dating my husband when I was fifteen. He followed me when I went off to college at Bethel and got an apartment there. After we married and moved to Iowa, I decided it was time to do the search for my birth parents. I was still very curious, and also was thinking of having children and wanted to know my birth families health history. I had gone my whole life with Doctors asking me all of these health questions that I just did not know the answers too. But of course, that was not the main reason, I was just plain sick of wondering and needed answers.
I called Lutheran Social Services and requested the packet with all of the adoption search forms. I filled them all out, paid the money due, and waited. Quite a few months later I received a packet in the mail. I was so excited! I started to look through it, and was finding out that all of the identifying information had been blacked out with a permanent black marker. All that was visible was some very limited health history. What was going on? I called the lady who signed off on my packet, her name was Cherrie, I will never forget that. I asked her why everything was blacked out on my adoption records. And she told me.......
Because, your Mom turned down the request, and without that you can not even do a search for your Dad.
Case closed.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 3
With this post I am taking a little detour. Tone is a very hard thing to hear in the printed word, and I want to make a few things very clear before we go on. I have readers stop in who I do not know, and who don't know me, so I felt this clarification was necessary.
The first thing I want to make very clear is that I support adoption One Hundred percent. With out adoption I would have been possibly aborted, or lived a much different life than God blessed me with. God had a plan for my life, and he saved me for some reason. I was placed in the loving arms of a Christian family, and was raised in the best of circumstances. Had I not been adopted I would have lived a much harder life, and probably would not be the person I am learning to be today.
There is heartache, and hard parts to my story, but it has for the most part been a very positive experience. I have always wanted to adopt children, but circumstances have not allowed us to do so. If you are looking into adoption, I encourage you to go for it! There are so many children out there waiting for a forever family, don't live a life of regret! Adoption can heal the hearts of many. Don't let it be too late, for you....or your future child.
Although giving me away was a hard thing for my birth-mother to do, I feel that her father made the right choice for her. My life was ultimately in God's hands, and he knew where I needed to be. Having talked with my birth-mother and her daughter Amber recently, I have learned how devastating this choice was for them. I can completely understand their grief, but when we meet I am going to do my best to try to assure them that I had a great life, and things worked out best this way for all of us.
The other thing that I wanted to make clear was that having sex does not make you a Mom. I have had many people ask me if I am excited to meet my real Mom. On some level this is offensive, not only to me, but to my adoptive family. A Mom is somebody who loves you as her own, carries you in her heart, and raises you no differently than a biological child. My adoptive Mom will always be my "real" Mom, that will never change, and my birth-mother will always be just that, a birth mother. I do not say this to be harsh, I know she loved me very much and wanted to keep me, but in this lifetime I will not ever be able to call her Mom. It does not come naturally to me, and I have to fight myself to try and even say it. That may be different for other adoptees, but for us we have decided it is best to call her by her first name. My birth-father was very angry about this, and wanted me to call him Dad. But again, my lips just could not do it. I know also that it would crush my parents to hear me call my birth-parents something so personal.
Lastly, I just wanted to say that I am not looking for a new family. My Mom was hurt and concerned about the reasons for my search. For me, it is completely curiosity. This is something that I wish adoptive parents would take to heart. My Mom was worried that I felt they weren't good enough parents, and I had to assure her that could not be farther from the truth. I wish that adoptive families could be supportive of birth-family searches. It makes it so much harder for the adoptee to not have the support of their parents. I had to go against my parents wishes to do this search, but it was something I had to do. As a child I wondered who I looked like, I would look at adults in the mall and wonder if they were my parents. I needed to know the story, I needed to know why I was given away. It filled a hole in my heart, and answered alot of my questions. That is all it was for me, lots of questions. Now that most of them have been answered, my search is almost over. Where it will lead after this I do not know. But I do know this, I could not have spent my whole life wondering, and I am very glad I took the time to find the answers. If not only for me, but for my children also.
The first thing I want to make very clear is that I support adoption One Hundred percent. With out adoption I would have been possibly aborted, or lived a much different life than God blessed me with. God had a plan for my life, and he saved me for some reason. I was placed in the loving arms of a Christian family, and was raised in the best of circumstances. Had I not been adopted I would have lived a much harder life, and probably would not be the person I am learning to be today.
There is heartache, and hard parts to my story, but it has for the most part been a very positive experience. I have always wanted to adopt children, but circumstances have not allowed us to do so. If you are looking into adoption, I encourage you to go for it! There are so many children out there waiting for a forever family, don't live a life of regret! Adoption can heal the hearts of many. Don't let it be too late, for you....or your future child.
Although giving me away was a hard thing for my birth-mother to do, I feel that her father made the right choice for her. My life was ultimately in God's hands, and he knew where I needed to be. Having talked with my birth-mother and her daughter Amber recently, I have learned how devastating this choice was for them. I can completely understand their grief, but when we meet I am going to do my best to try to assure them that I had a great life, and things worked out best this way for all of us.
The other thing that I wanted to make clear was that having sex does not make you a Mom. I have had many people ask me if I am excited to meet my real Mom. On some level this is offensive, not only to me, but to my adoptive family. A Mom is somebody who loves you as her own, carries you in her heart, and raises you no differently than a biological child. My adoptive Mom will always be my "real" Mom, that will never change, and my birth-mother will always be just that, a birth mother. I do not say this to be harsh, I know she loved me very much and wanted to keep me, but in this lifetime I will not ever be able to call her Mom. It does not come naturally to me, and I have to fight myself to try and even say it. That may be different for other adoptees, but for us we have decided it is best to call her by her first name. My birth-father was very angry about this, and wanted me to call him Dad. But again, my lips just could not do it. I know also that it would crush my parents to hear me call my birth-parents something so personal.
Lastly, I just wanted to say that I am not looking for a new family. My Mom was hurt and concerned about the reasons for my search. For me, it is completely curiosity. This is something that I wish adoptive parents would take to heart. My Mom was worried that I felt they weren't good enough parents, and I had to assure her that could not be farther from the truth. I wish that adoptive families could be supportive of birth-family searches. It makes it so much harder for the adoptee to not have the support of their parents. I had to go against my parents wishes to do this search, but it was something I had to do. As a child I wondered who I looked like, I would look at adults in the mall and wonder if they were my parents. I needed to know the story, I needed to know why I was given away. It filled a hole in my heart, and answered alot of my questions. That is all it was for me, lots of questions. Now that most of them have been answered, my search is almost over. Where it will lead after this I do not know. But I do know this, I could not have spent my whole life wondering, and I am very glad I took the time to find the answers. If not only for me, but for my children also.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Adoption Story: Part 2
Julie stayed in the Maternity Home until I was born. She delivered me there alone, with no family or support, on December 26th. The day after Christmas. Obviously. What a Christmas present. She told me a couple months ago that they took me away from her immediately following the birth, and would not even let her see me. She was devastated and kept begging the nurses to at least let her hold me once. She finally found a nurse that said yes, and snuck me into her room. She said that was the best moment ever, being able to hold me in her arms, after carrying me in her womb for a full 40 weeks. She was only able to hold me briefly, and then they took me away again to the nursery for babies with no placement. That is the last she would see of me for 24 years. That is when I found her and was able to send her pictures of me by mail. One for every year of my life.
I have the original baby info. sheet from Lutheran Social Services. They gave it to my adoptive parents when they took me home from Foster Care. I was placed in Foster Care on December 27th, and stayed there until January 4, 1974. Nine Days. Nine, must have been awful, days. The Social worker had chosen my family for me, but because it was Christmas, they were gone to Illinois for the holiday's to see family. My adoptive parents had originally signed up to receive a girl as their first child, but one wasn't available at that time. When a set of twin boys came up for adoption the Social worker thought they would be the perfect family to raise them and gave them a call. Of course my parents said yes, they would take my brothers, but they informed Lutheran Social Services that they would still like to have a girl, if one ever became available. 3 years later I was born.
My Lutheran Social Services Foster Care form says this:
Girl: Born 12-26-xx
Birth Weight: 6lbs. 12oz.
Length at Birth: 20 inches
Time of Birth: 2:53 pm
City of Birth: La Crosse
Placed in Home: Jan. 4, 1974 for One Year post-placement period.
Birth mother named child: Tina
(I asked Julie about this, and she laughed, saying she can't stand that name now. But back in 1973 that was the "cool" name of the times, and that is who she knew me to be until I found her and told her my new name. She liked Laura much better.:)
Now to share the gut- wrenching part on the Foster Care form.
This is very hard for me to read, and type.
"Only feed her every FOUR hours, even though she is a newborn. She needs to learn to eat on a schedule. Even though she will be hungry, only feed her 3 1/2 ounces of Enfamil. She will learn to adjust. She likes to be warm so wrap her tightly. She will lay awake in her crib if you just leave her there. If you keep her awake, and don't rock her, from 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. and let her cry this whole time alone in her crib, she will sleep all night from 9:30 p.M. until 4:30 A.M."
"She is a good baby. Burp her carefully or she will spit up. She tries hard to see you when you talk to her."
End of Form.
End of Part 2.
I have the original baby info. sheet from Lutheran Social Services. They gave it to my adoptive parents when they took me home from Foster Care. I was placed in Foster Care on December 27th, and stayed there until January 4, 1974. Nine Days. Nine, must have been awful, days. The Social worker had chosen my family for me, but because it was Christmas, they were gone to Illinois for the holiday's to see family. My adoptive parents had originally signed up to receive a girl as their first child, but one wasn't available at that time. When a set of twin boys came up for adoption the Social worker thought they would be the perfect family to raise them and gave them a call. Of course my parents said yes, they would take my brothers, but they informed Lutheran Social Services that they would still like to have a girl, if one ever became available. 3 years later I was born.
My Lutheran Social Services Foster Care form says this:
Girl: Born 12-26-xx
Birth Weight: 6lbs. 12oz.
Length at Birth: 20 inches
Time of Birth: 2:53 pm
City of Birth: La Crosse
Placed in Home: Jan. 4, 1974 for One Year post-placement period.
Birth mother named child: Tina
(I asked Julie about this, and she laughed, saying she can't stand that name now. But back in 1973 that was the "cool" name of the times, and that is who she knew me to be until I found her and told her my new name. She liked Laura much better.:)
Now to share the gut- wrenching part on the Foster Care form.
This is very hard for me to read, and type.
"Only feed her every FOUR hours, even though she is a newborn. She needs to learn to eat on a schedule. Even though she will be hungry, only feed her 3 1/2 ounces of Enfamil. She will learn to adjust. She likes to be warm so wrap her tightly. She will lay awake in her crib if you just leave her there. If you keep her awake, and don't rock her, from 8:00 to 9:30 P.M. and let her cry this whole time alone in her crib, she will sleep all night from 9:30 p.M. until 4:30 A.M."
"She is a good baby. Burp her carefully or she will spit up. She tries hard to see you when you talk to her."
End of Form.
End of Part 2.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My Adoption Story
Well, the story of my adoption is about to come full circle. In seven weeks I will be flying out to Seattle to meet my Birth Mother, 2 Sisters, 1 Brother, and quite a few nephews and nieces. I thought maybe I would try to post one part of the story each week, and then finish up with the end of my story when I get back in July. I am not sure if I can fit the whole history in only eight posts. But I will try. I think walking through this by blogging will help me better prepare for the trip.
In March of 1973, two teenagers were dating, much too young. Julie was only fourteen, and Steve was sixteen. Things went a little too far one night and I was conceived. Julie came from a very affluent family in Rhinelander, Wisconsin. Her father, Neil, was very concerned about his reputation. Upon finding out that his fourteen year old was pregnant, he packed up the whole family and moved them to Casper, Wyoming. On the drive there he took a detour through LaCrosse, Wisconsin and dropped off his distraught youngest daughter at a maternity home for girls. And just left her there, alone. He told all of the relatives that she had been sent to a wonderful, new school for girls, and it would be a great opportunity. Little did he know, or care, that he would change her entire life that day. She has told me that being left there, alone, with a whole bunch of strangers, was the scariest thing of her life. She had no support, no friends, and no family. Plus, she was pregnant. What does pregnancy look like to a fourteen year old? Julie must have been so scared, confused, and desperate. Strangely enough, I feel by God's hand, her sister Cherrie was checked into the same "girls school" only 2 months later. She was sixteen years old, and pregnant with what would turn out to be my first cousin, a son, born 2 months after me. The relatives did not find out about this either. What a great "girls' school it was. I am being sarcastic.
My Birth Father Steve found out where Julie was, and rushed to help her. His parents went along with him. He wanted to keep me, and so did his parents. They filled out every form, went to every court, and worked for months. But to no avail, in that day, a sixteen year old male had no rights to an unborn child. Nor did a fourteen year old girl. Julie wanted desperately to keep me. She pleaded with the nurses. But my life was in the hands of her father, the only one over the age of eighteen who could make that decision.
End of Part 1........
In March of 1973, two teenagers were dating, much too young. Julie was only fourteen, and Steve was sixteen. Things went a little too far one night and I was conceived. Julie came from a very affluent family in Rhinelander, Wisconsin. Her father, Neil, was very concerned about his reputation. Upon finding out that his fourteen year old was pregnant, he packed up the whole family and moved them to Casper, Wyoming. On the drive there he took a detour through LaCrosse, Wisconsin and dropped off his distraught youngest daughter at a maternity home for girls. And just left her there, alone. He told all of the relatives that she had been sent to a wonderful, new school for girls, and it would be a great opportunity. Little did he know, or care, that he would change her entire life that day. She has told me that being left there, alone, with a whole bunch of strangers, was the scariest thing of her life. She had no support, no friends, and no family. Plus, she was pregnant. What does pregnancy look like to a fourteen year old? Julie must have been so scared, confused, and desperate. Strangely enough, I feel by God's hand, her sister Cherrie was checked into the same "girls school" only 2 months later. She was sixteen years old, and pregnant with what would turn out to be my first cousin, a son, born 2 months after me. The relatives did not find out about this either. What a great "girls' school it was. I am being sarcastic.
My Birth Father Steve found out where Julie was, and rushed to help her. His parents went along with him. He wanted to keep me, and so did his parents. They filled out every form, went to every court, and worked for months. But to no avail, in that day, a sixteen year old male had no rights to an unborn child. Nor did a fourteen year old girl. Julie wanted desperately to keep me. She pleaded with the nurses. But my life was in the hands of her father, the only one over the age of eighteen who could make that decision.
End of Part 1........
Saturday, May 2, 2009
No Girls
My kindergartner Dylan is turning seven this month. I have planned a baseball party for him, and told him he could invite five boys from school to come home with him on the bus that day. Well now, drama has ensued. Dylan's best friend Jon will not come to the party unless a girl in the class named Autumn is invited. This Momma does not invite girls to my boys parties. Call me a prude, old fashioned, or out of touch....I really don't mind. I have been throwing birthday parties for 13 years and have never had children of the opposite sex come to my daughters parties either.
So now Dylan is pressuring me to let Autumn come to the party, with all of the other guests being boys. Big Daddy said, "I'll tell you what Dylan, you tell those boys that if they don't want to come because we are not inviting girls, then that is more than fine with you. You can just give their invitation to someone else." And he meant it. No girls at boys parties. Dylan even confided in me that the boys want her to come to the party because 2 of them have a crush on her. In kindergarten!
So now Dylan is pressuring me to let Autumn come to the party, with all of the other guests being boys. Big Daddy said, "I'll tell you what Dylan, you tell those boys that if they don't want to come because we are not inviting girls, then that is more than fine with you. You can just give their invitation to someone else." And he meant it. No girls at boys parties. Dylan even confided in me that the boys want her to come to the party because 2 of them have a crush on her. In kindergarten!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
My First Homemade Award~
I made this Award for our fellow blogger Kristi who wrote an amazing post today, go check her out, read her often, and love her much:)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Universal
Sunday morning we layed around watching G4 Ninja competitions. The show was on some hilarious Japanese television channel. None of them spoke English very well, some of them not at all. A commercial came on at every break, it went like this:
(Put on your best overly dramatic Chinese voice)
Man and woman laying on floor in front of fireplace:
Man: "So, Whaaat do you waaaant to doooo during the commercial?"
Woman: (Silence)
Man: "We could make loooove?"
Woman: "Or a sandwich."
End of commercial.
:)
(Put on your best overly dramatic Chinese voice)
Man and woman laying on floor in front of fireplace:
Man: "So, Whaaat do you waaaant to doooo during the commercial?"
Woman: (Silence)
Man: "We could make loooove?"
Woman: "Or a sandwich."
End of commercial.
:)
Friday, April 24, 2009
Birth Family
Well, I had posted awhile back that I was going to go to Seattle to meet my birth mother, and a sister. It now turns out that I might be meeting my birth mother, her husband, 2 birth sisters, and a brother. My sister Amber has a husband and 4 kids, and my brother Jason has a wife and 4 kids! That is going to be a lot of people! I almost cancelled my trip because of financial concerns, but after much thought decided that I should still go. Waiting 35 years to meet your Mom is a long time. I found her around 12 years ago when Mikayla was a baby. So I have waited quite awhile to travel out to see her. I was going to go on the trip alone, which would be my first trip alone, ever. I was starting to get a little nervous about that, and thankfully so was my husband. So now he is coming with! I know this adds on the price of his plane ticket, but it just seems safer. Being on a plane alone, and in a strange state, in a strange hotel alone, does not sound like fun. I also will probably be an emotional basket case, and might need somebody. I am not sure if he is the right "somebody" for this job, but that is the plan for now. I had also considered asking a friend to go with me, but I will have to think on it. I am not sure if my husband knows the depth of my emotions in this area. I am worried that he might be overwhelmed by his blubbering, crying, wife. I think between now and the trip I will need to try hard to communicate with him how much this means to me.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Imaginary Friends~
I am in a little bit of a cleaning frenzy trying to get ready for our home appraisal on Wednesday morning. I have had the flu for two weeks, so the house is completely trashed. I was starting to pick up the kitchen this morning, while Shelby was playing playdoh at the table. I left the room for a sec and came back to find that she had thrown pea sized pieces of playdoh all over the dining room floor. So I get a little discouraged and say, "Shelby, why did you make all of this mess?!" She looks at me really innocently and says,"But Mamma.....I was just feeding the fish!"
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Brokenness~
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S.Lewis
Monday, April 13, 2009
Love ~
I wrote about the word "Hate" a few posts ago. I now see it fitting to try to write a post on Love.
This is a hard thing for me to write. I am not a person who uses the "Love" word much. I have been going over it in my head quite a bit and trying to figure out why. I am completely startled when friends I know tell me that they Love me. I have been thinking it must be just something people say. But I can not say it casually. If I say "I Love You" to somebody, it is a BIG deal. I would have to work up to it. I only have maybe 7-10 people in my life that I have said this too. It is starting to bother me. Why do I not freely say the word Love? I found that since my childhood I had many verbal blocks with certain words. There were some words I just could not, and would not, say. My Mom thinks I had some sort of generational hold on me from my adoptive family. I could not say the word Jesus out loud until a couple years ago. I have experienced a spiritual 180* in the last 24 months. Through a lot of listening, searching, feeling, and opening up.....I am in a new place. Now I am trying to find where the word "Love" fits into my life, and if I might be able to try to use it more freely. I hear people say "I Love Jesus" and I have not been able to do that yet....that is both of my word problems put together. I want to be able to say this freely and easily & this is my main spiritual block I am working on right now. I am starting to realize that I feel very safe in our church, and am realizing that I do truly LOVE many of the people there. Now I am working towards being able to say it to them. Here are the Definitions I found for the word LOVE:
Love=
1: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties: attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers: affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests/an assurance of love
2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment
4: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God.
I like Number 4 the most, although the others are good too! As I am learning, there is a wide range of meaning for the word Love. I think I have been feeling it in many areas of my life- but just not saying it. My mission now is to break down these barriers and find the freedom to say the word Love, and not have it be so much work.
This whole post is probably just a big mess, but it's just me working it out.
Don't be surprised if I walk up to you and look like I am going to say something.....and all that comes out is, " I .....I.....LLLL. :)
It will come~
This is a hard thing for me to write. I am not a person who uses the "Love" word much. I have been going over it in my head quite a bit and trying to figure out why. I am completely startled when friends I know tell me that they Love me. I have been thinking it must be just something people say. But I can not say it casually. If I say "I Love You" to somebody, it is a BIG deal. I would have to work up to it. I only have maybe 7-10 people in my life that I have said this too. It is starting to bother me. Why do I not freely say the word Love? I found that since my childhood I had many verbal blocks with certain words. There were some words I just could not, and would not, say. My Mom thinks I had some sort of generational hold on me from my adoptive family. I could not say the word Jesus out loud until a couple years ago. I have experienced a spiritual 180* in the last 24 months. Through a lot of listening, searching, feeling, and opening up.....I am in a new place. Now I am trying to find where the word "Love" fits into my life, and if I might be able to try to use it more freely. I hear people say "I Love Jesus" and I have not been able to do that yet....that is both of my word problems put together. I want to be able to say this freely and easily & this is my main spiritual block I am working on right now. I am starting to realize that I feel very safe in our church, and am realizing that I do truly LOVE many of the people there. Now I am working towards being able to say it to them. Here are the Definitions I found for the word LOVE:
Love=
1: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties: attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers: affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests/an assurance of love
2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
3: the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration
4: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2): brotherly concern for others b: a person's adoration of God.
I like Number 4 the most, although the others are good too! As I am learning, there is a wide range of meaning for the word Love. I think I have been feeling it in many areas of my life- but just not saying it. My mission now is to break down these barriers and find the freedom to say the word Love, and not have it be so much work.
This whole post is probably just a big mess, but it's just me working it out.
Don't be surprised if I walk up to you and look like I am going to say something.....and all that comes out is, " I .....I.....LLLL. :)
It will come~
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hoppy Easter!
I just LOVE this~
I am so glad there is still people in the world with a sense of humor:)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Hate.
For it
Will always lead
Forever and ever
Past the tree
Down the vine
And right back to me
—Or so I choose
To believe
by Sitafa Harden
I didn't realize how much I said the word "hate" until a fellow blogger pointed it out to me. It had always just been a slang word that I used in passing. I never really thought much about it. To me it was just casual speech. I would say things like, "I hate red roses", "I hate mushrooms", just referring to things I did not like at all. One day Carla pointed out to me that it sounds kind of strong to say you HATE a flower. I had never really thought of it that way before. Since then I have thought on it alot. The "Hate" word has pretty much left my vocabulary, and I have also been helping the kids realize how much they say it. Probably from hearing me, unfortunately. They too said it in passing, with no thought on the meaning.
Here is the Merriam Webster online Definition: : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Moon Sand
Dear Moon Sand Corporation,
I loved your product so much that I cleaned it up from my kitchen table, six chairs, and hardwood floor cracks with my favorite green broom and matching dustpan. I then put it in this really pretty, shiny black plastic bag. Then I carried it down to the end of the drive-way so it could go on a fun ride in this cool, big green truck that comes by our house once a week. It will now be able to enjoy the sun and rain in the environment in which sand belongs.
~
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Watermelon Dash
I know that I have been blogging about Dylan quite a bit lately. He is just such great material! So pardon me if I share just one more.........
Background: Dylan is having a problem with sucking on his lower lip. It is causing dental problems and a very chapped area of skin below his lip. We have been trying chapstick, vaseline, desitin...you name it, but have not been able to get it to heal. The main objective is to get him to stop doing it. So we have been working on the massage methods that the dentist recommended to help loosen those muscles that he has tightened. Things still weren't getting much better. So Mamma had an idea. He should chew gum. I have noticed that when he is chewing gum he does not suck on his lips or pull them into his mouth.
I bought all of the flavors of this fun new gum called Ice Cubes. They are little squares of gum made in many different flavors by the company Ice Breakers. So far we like the Strawberry, Watermelon Kiwi, and the Orange Mango one. They are even Sugar Free!
Last night Dylan noticed he was sucking on his lip again, and asked if he could get my purse out of the van, in the garage, to get some gum. I was making dinner, so I let him go get it. He came in saying he could only find the Mango kind, but he really wanted the Watermelon Kiwi ones. I told him I didn't have time to go look for it right now, so just chew the Mango.
So, this morning we all jumped in the van to drive the Mom Bus to all of the schools. As I pulled out I noticed that the Watermelon gum was on the dashboard, that is why he couldn't find it in my purse last night. So I try to talk through all of the noise to Dylan, who is in the back seat. "Dylan, the Watermelon gum was here on the dash!" Shelby is crying, Mikayla is singing, Dakota is asking for movie headphones, and Dylan yells "What! I have to run with a Watermelon today at school!? Mom I just don't think I'll be able to do that!"
Background: Dylan is having a problem with sucking on his lower lip. It is causing dental problems and a very chapped area of skin below his lip. We have been trying chapstick, vaseline, desitin...you name it, but have not been able to get it to heal. The main objective is to get him to stop doing it. So we have been working on the massage methods that the dentist recommended to help loosen those muscles that he has tightened. Things still weren't getting much better. So Mamma had an idea. He should chew gum. I have noticed that when he is chewing gum he does not suck on his lips or pull them into his mouth.
I bought all of the flavors of this fun new gum called Ice Cubes. They are little squares of gum made in many different flavors by the company Ice Breakers. So far we like the Strawberry, Watermelon Kiwi, and the Orange Mango one. They are even Sugar Free!
Last night Dylan noticed he was sucking on his lip again, and asked if he could get my purse out of the van, in the garage, to get some gum. I was making dinner, so I let him go get it. He came in saying he could only find the Mango kind, but he really wanted the Watermelon Kiwi ones. I told him I didn't have time to go look for it right now, so just chew the Mango.
So, this morning we all jumped in the van to drive the Mom Bus to all of the schools. As I pulled out I noticed that the Watermelon gum was on the dashboard, that is why he couldn't find it in my purse last night. So I try to talk through all of the noise to Dylan, who is in the back seat. "Dylan, the Watermelon gum was here on the dash!" Shelby is crying, Mikayla is singing, Dakota is asking for movie headphones, and Dylan yells "What! I have to run with a Watermelon today at school!? Mom I just don't think I'll be able to do that!"
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Round Up
Dylan came home yesterday and informed me that he has no school this Thursday because the school will be using his room for Kindergarten Round-Up that day. I told him that was so exciting, and we would plan something fun to do! His response was, "But Mom? Will there be third grade round-up too? So Dakota will be home to play with me?"
Chopped Liver.
Chopped Liver.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Funny Bunny~
It's 3pm on Saturday and I was just trying, again, to get Shelby down for a nap. Daddy & the big kids are gone at Awana Olympics and I need some time on the computer. I know you understand.
Anyway, I was reading Shelby this little bunny board book. The bunny parents were trying to get little bunny to go to bed. But he could not find his stuffed bunny. Not very creative writing here folks. The bunny parents are looking in the dresser, and in the crib, still finding nothing. I say to Shelby, "Where is that stuffed bunny hiding?" and she says, "I have to help him Momma, I have to get into the book, Mamma put me in the book!"
Um, well, okay then.
She is 28 months old.
Anyway, I was reading Shelby this little bunny board book. The bunny parents were trying to get little bunny to go to bed. But he could not find his stuffed bunny. Not very creative writing here folks. The bunny parents are looking in the dresser, and in the crib, still finding nothing. I say to Shelby, "Where is that stuffed bunny hiding?" and she says, "I have to help him Momma, I have to get into the book, Mamma put me in the book!"
Um, well, okay then.
She is 28 months old.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
You might be a Redneck if........
Saw this with my own eyes:
You might be a Redneck if you walk up and down your long country drive-way using two full, capped, bottles of beer as your hand weights.
But at least she was exercising.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Determined Purpose~
Philippians 3:10-14
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Pressing on Toward the Goal:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Wheels are turning....
My Dylan is in kindergarten this year. The first semester he didn't have too much to say about school, except to talk about new friends he was making. The last 2 months have been completely different. Every evening he shocks me with some little tidbit of knowledge he has thought up.
Here's the craziest one yet;
Dylan: Mom is it possible for one person, besides God, to hold up the whole world?
Me: (Trying to cook) No, Dylan, that just wouldn't be possible.
Dylan: Yes it is Mom.
Me: Dylan, nobody is strong enough to hold up the whole world, except God.
Dylan: Well, Mom. You know how we are not really in the earth? We are on the surface of the earth. Since we are always spinning, I will be at the bottom of the earth at some point. If I find the tallest mountain on earth, and make sure I have climbed to the top of it just as it spins to put me at the bottom of the world, I could do a hand stand quick on the top of the mountain, and then I would really be holding up the whole world by myself.
Mom looks at Dad with VERY big eyes.
Monday, March 2, 2009
To Share, or not to Share.....
That is the question I have been thinking on.
Over the last few years I have heard 2-3 of our pastors say that we should confide our sins, and other things we are working through, with a close friend.
I have been considering it, but still not too sure.
I was on a "work through the junk" rampage last fall, and got a bunch of hidden stuff off of my chest.
During a conversation with my Mom I told her something she did not know about my teen years. This was part of my healing, keeping secrets was not working. Plus, I was starting to resent their lax parenting, and had to confront her to get the full story.
At the end of our conversation she told me, "Don't ever tell anybody at church what you told me, they will label you, and certain people will think of you differently."
It made me mad. Imagine that. I get mad easy. Working on it.
Anyway? Is she right? Is there some things you just don't share? Ever? With anybody?
I figure, if it helps your healing and recovery, go for it. If you have come that far and are ready to share, good for you! She sees it differently. Maybe it is a generational thing?
Any thoughts?
Over the last few years I have heard 2-3 of our pastors say that we should confide our sins, and other things we are working through, with a close friend.
I have been considering it, but still not too sure.
I was on a "work through the junk" rampage last fall, and got a bunch of hidden stuff off of my chest.
During a conversation with my Mom I told her something she did not know about my teen years. This was part of my healing, keeping secrets was not working. Plus, I was starting to resent their lax parenting, and had to confront her to get the full story.
At the end of our conversation she told me, "Don't ever tell anybody at church what you told me, they will label you, and certain people will think of you differently."
It made me mad. Imagine that. I get mad easy. Working on it.
Anyway? Is she right? Is there some things you just don't share? Ever? With anybody?
I figure, if it helps your healing and recovery, go for it. If you have come that far and are ready to share, good for you! She sees it differently. Maybe it is a generational thing?
Any thoughts?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Three Strikes, You're Out.
Nice to meet you, I am a little black bird.
I was having a nice winter day today, eating at the Dehnke's bird feeder.
They had not bought any bird food all winter, so I was excited to see that Mrs. Dehnke splurged while grocery shopping and bought a bag.
Picture this: Saturday afternoon, beautiful day, sun is shining, bird feeder is full, everyone is getting along nicely. Even Mr. Woodpecker with the big orange mowhawk.
And then it happens, Wham! As I am flying around I smash head first into the Dining Room sliding glass door. I have seen this happen before, I know not to do this, and it is well known that the end result can be devastating.
But I did it anyway.
Hard enough to leave a mark on the window pane and feathers stuck to the glass.
I then start my free fall. Sure I was headed to my doom. Or maybe I would just be unconscious for awhile....that happens sometimes too.
Thud. I fell. Face first into the pile of snow on the Dehnke's deck. Mrs. Dehnke heard me hit the window and ran to see if I was okay. And that is when it became apparent that I was not. I had fallen face first into the snow bank, straight down like an arrow. My head was stuck in the hard, icy snow, and I was sure to suffocate within a matter of minutes.
I was fighting for my life. My legs where kicking back and forth as hard as they could. My wings were flapping and were found to be completely useless at removing me from my predicament. I had one last hope. Mrs. Dehnke. I knew she would come, I have seen her save other birds before that have crashed into her window.
I hear her open the sliding glass door and give a little scream. But then she slams the door shut and runs back into the house again! She has left me! But what for?
The door flies open again! She has come back! I can hear her, but I can't see her, remember? My head is stuck in the snow?!
Then it happens, Whap! Turns out that Mrs. Dehnke had run and got the kitchen broom from the closet and stuck it out the sliding glass door to help flip me over! She could see I was suffocating! I am getting a second chance at life! With one big sweep at the snow she had me uprighted and well on my way to recovery. I still had my eyes shut, was breathing rapidly, with my beak hanging wide open. It would just take some time, I was still in shock.
And then it happened.
The dog came up the steps to the deck. He creeped down low and came towards me, slowly opening his jaws to put me in his mouth. That would be the end of my story. But no! Mrs. Dehnke was still watching me and screamed at the dog to stop, and yelled at her kids to put the dog in the garage until I was better enough to fly away. Saved Again.
Mrs. Dehnke and her daughter Mikayla watched over me for awhile. I went from laying on my side, to sitting up straight. My breathing had normalized, and my beak was now shut. I still just needed a bit of time to rest and recover, and now that the dog was put away, I would have plenty of that.
Satisfied that I was doing fine, the ladies of the house got in the van and drove to town with Mr. Dehnke and their 3 younger children.
Upon leaving the driveway Mrs. Dehnke asked Mr. Dehnke if he had left the dog in the garage where she put him.
And that is the end of my story.
I was having a nice winter day today, eating at the Dehnke's bird feeder.
They had not bought any bird food all winter, so I was excited to see that Mrs. Dehnke splurged while grocery shopping and bought a bag.
Picture this: Saturday afternoon, beautiful day, sun is shining, bird feeder is full, everyone is getting along nicely. Even Mr. Woodpecker with the big orange mowhawk.
And then it happens, Wham! As I am flying around I smash head first into the Dining Room sliding glass door. I have seen this happen before, I know not to do this, and it is well known that the end result can be devastating.
But I did it anyway.
Hard enough to leave a mark on the window pane and feathers stuck to the glass.
I then start my free fall. Sure I was headed to my doom. Or maybe I would just be unconscious for awhile....that happens sometimes too.
Thud. I fell. Face first into the pile of snow on the Dehnke's deck. Mrs. Dehnke heard me hit the window and ran to see if I was okay. And that is when it became apparent that I was not. I had fallen face first into the snow bank, straight down like an arrow. My head was stuck in the hard, icy snow, and I was sure to suffocate within a matter of minutes.
I was fighting for my life. My legs where kicking back and forth as hard as they could. My wings were flapping and were found to be completely useless at removing me from my predicament. I had one last hope. Mrs. Dehnke. I knew she would come, I have seen her save other birds before that have crashed into her window.
I hear her open the sliding glass door and give a little scream. But then she slams the door shut and runs back into the house again! She has left me! But what for?
The door flies open again! She has come back! I can hear her, but I can't see her, remember? My head is stuck in the snow?!
Then it happens, Whap! Turns out that Mrs. Dehnke had run and got the kitchen broom from the closet and stuck it out the sliding glass door to help flip me over! She could see I was suffocating! I am getting a second chance at life! With one big sweep at the snow she had me uprighted and well on my way to recovery. I still had my eyes shut, was breathing rapidly, with my beak hanging wide open. It would just take some time, I was still in shock.
And then it happened.
The dog came up the steps to the deck. He creeped down low and came towards me, slowly opening his jaws to put me in his mouth. That would be the end of my story. But no! Mrs. Dehnke was still watching me and screamed at the dog to stop, and yelled at her kids to put the dog in the garage until I was better enough to fly away. Saved Again.
Mrs. Dehnke and her daughter Mikayla watched over me for awhile. I went from laying on my side, to sitting up straight. My breathing had normalized, and my beak was now shut. I still just needed a bit of time to rest and recover, and now that the dog was put away, I would have plenty of that.
Satisfied that I was doing fine, the ladies of the house got in the van and drove to town with Mr. Dehnke and their 3 younger children.
Upon leaving the driveway Mrs. Dehnke asked Mr. Dehnke if he had left the dog in the garage where she put him.
And that is the end of my story.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Don't be a Nag~
Dear Laura,
You knew you shouldn't say anything. The little voice in your head kept saying NO. But you just couldn't do it, could you? You just had to be a nag. Your brain kept saying good things, like: Maybe he really needed to take a shower, Maybe he got home late, Maybe he had to go to the bathroom, Maybe he is tired...... But you just couldn't keep quiet. And so your mouth did flap, "You know, I just really thought you were going to fix the garage door spring while we were gone at the dentist. I even took all four kids with me. You know it is going to snow, and the van is stuck outside." He will raise his eyebrows at you. He will make his eyes get really big, and not blink. He is waiting for your brain function to kick in. And then it will hit you. And you will say, "Oh, ya. I guess it is kind of hard to install the spring when it was in the back of the van, and I had the van at the dentist for the last hour."
~
You knew you shouldn't say anything. The little voice in your head kept saying NO. But you just couldn't do it, could you? You just had to be a nag. Your brain kept saying good things, like: Maybe he really needed to take a shower, Maybe he got home late, Maybe he had to go to the bathroom, Maybe he is tired...... But you just couldn't keep quiet. And so your mouth did flap, "You know, I just really thought you were going to fix the garage door spring while we were gone at the dentist. I even took all four kids with me. You know it is going to snow, and the van is stuck outside." He will raise his eyebrows at you. He will make his eyes get really big, and not blink. He is waiting for your brain function to kick in. And then it will hit you. And you will say, "Oh, ya. I guess it is kind of hard to install the spring when it was in the back of the van, and I had the van at the dentist for the last hour."
~
Monday, February 23, 2009
Morning Conversation~
Me: Jer? Did you pay with cash at Menards? Or use a credit card?
Jer: Neither.
Me: Well then, what did you use? The debit card? I need to do the budget.
Jer: I paid with my good looks. The lady said I was so hot I could just take the doorknobs without paying.
Me: Wow! So then did you tell her to wait while you ran back to get a few more things?
Jer: No. I told her I would come back another day just so she could see me again.
:)
Jer: Neither.
Me: Well then, what did you use? The debit card? I need to do the budget.
Jer: I paid with my good looks. The lady said I was so hot I could just take the doorknobs without paying.
Me: Wow! So then did you tell her to wait while you ran back to get a few more things?
Jer: No. I told her I would come back another day just so she could see me again.
:)
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